Navigating Life Transitions with Grace and Resilience
How to stay grounded when your world is crumbling shifting
Life rarely remains static for long. We graduate, change jobs, move cities, begin (or end) relationships, or shift our roles and identities in ways both big and small. While these transitions can open the door to growth and excitement, they can also spark grief, fear, uncertainty, and self-doubt.
Challenges of Change
Shifting Identities
Life transitions—such as becoming a new parent, adapting to a changed body, starting a different career path, or ending a relationship—often involve redefining who you are. During periods of transition, you may find yourself asking, “What is my life?” or “Who am I now?” Maybe you feel like “goo.” When I think of major life shifts—whether expected or not—the life cycle of the monarch butterfly comes to mind.
Certain life transitions may feel like the monarch butterfly’s "goo stage" within the chrysalis. When the caterpillar enters the chrysalis, it essentially dissolves into soup—a complete deconstruction of its former self! This process is chaotic and unrecognizable, yet it is essential for the butterfly's formation. Maybe you’ve been going through a difficult period. Maybe you feel like the Familiar Old You is breaking down, or, turning into “soup.” This may feel messy, vulnerable, and uncertain—like the goo inside the chrysalis. In our work as clinical psychologists, we often bear witness to folks’ feeling their raw, real, and vulnerable emotions. While it may be hard for clients to feel the tears flow and internal growing pains, we as clinicians hold space for “the goo”—we know that this is where reorganizing, reprocessing, healing, and regenesis begins. It may feel like your former life and identity have been destroyed. The "goo stage" is not the end; it is a necessary and deeply creative process that leads to the emergence of wings—the ability to rise above and navigate life in a new, liberated way. Whether experienced as an uninvited crisis or a planned change, transitions can be opportunities for transformation to a New You.
Why it’s Hard
Humans tend to thrive on predictability. Routines give structure to our days, making us feel safe and in control. However, life rarely remains static for long. During transitions, our routines often dissolve, leaving us feeling lost. Uncertainty about how life will look after the change can trigger anxiety. Our brains are often excellent at overestimating potential threats in new situations to protect us from harm—even if the actual risk is relatively low. Thanks for the kind intention, brain, but this isn’t always useful! Transitions can stir up a rollercoaster of emotions: excitement, sadness, hope, fear, and more. Adjusting to these emotional swings is part of the process, yet it can be mentally and physically draining.
How to Navigate Transitions
Practice Self-Compassion
As I’m writing this, I am thinking of a close loved one who is in an unexpected period of transition. Her world was recently and suddenly shaken. I think of the support and advice I’ve given her—and how I would hope to treat myself in a similar circumstance. The first step is awareness and self-acceptance. This self-talk may sound like, “I’m going through a really hard time right now.” You may even try putting your hand on your heart and talking to yourself the same way Child You needed to be talked to when she went through a difficult time. That precious child doesn’t deserve to be treated with harsh judgments or criticisms! Perhaps you’d like to imagine hugging that little girl instead. Treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a child or best friend can mitigate stress and foster emotional resilience. Self-compassion also involves common humanity—the recognition that you, as a human, are not alone in your suffering. You may remind yourself something like, “Suffering is a part of life. I am not alone.” Importantly, self-compassion also involves self-kindness. A simple, gentle instruction-to-self may sound like, “May I be kind to myself and give myself grace.” Try out gracious affirmations (e.g., “I am learning, and it’s OK not to have all the answers yet,”) to reinforce self-support.
Call on Your Support Network
The close loved one I mentioned above seemed to have a gut sense of which people she could turn to immediately when her sudden life change occurred. You may already have a social support network built. Turn to them. They may not all be able to help in the specific ways you ask, but there is no shame or harm in asking for support. You may be surprised and grateful for the supports they can offer you. If you don’t have a support network yet, seek out people who can validate your feelings, provide perspective, and offer practical help. This might include close friends, family, or a supportive online community. If needed and accessible to you, consider professional support, such as therapy or coaching, to guide you through the transition.
Maintain Small Routines
Just because big or small parts of your life are uncertain doesn’t mean nothing can be certain. You might not be able to preserve every familiar routine; that’s OK! Choose a few key life-giving habits—like a morning walk, intentionally savouring pleasurable moments, or a weekly catch-up call with a friend—and keep them intact. These small anchors can help you feel more stable and grounded amid change.
Engage in Mindfulness or Relaxation Techniques
Mindfulness practices, such as breath-focused meditation or progressive muscle relaxation, reduce stress and anxiety. Even five minutes a day of mindful breathing can help you remain present, acknowledge uncomfortable emotions without judgment, and prevent you from spiralling into overwhelm. As transitions can shake us and make us feel like we’re on unstable ground, you may want to try a grounding exercise. A simple grounding exercise is just to take a few minutes to close your eyes, take a few deep belly breaths, and concentrate on pressing your feet into the floor (or ground) beneath you. You can experiment with wiggling your feet—this may communicate to your mind, “For this moment, I am here, on stable ground.” It may also communicate that you do have some choices, such as over your own small movements and actions.
Set Realistic Goals and Expectations
Break down long-term objectives into smaller, achievable steps. Creating milestone goals can help you celebrate progress and maintain motivation—even if the outcome feels far off. For example, if you’re transitioning from being a stay-at-home-mom back into the paid-labour workforce, identify a few immediate tasks (updating your résumé, networking with peers) that move you closer to your ideal role. In her book, Financial Feminist, Tori Dunlap suggests writing your goals down in past tense. This may increase your self-confidence, having imagined already completed a goal that’s important to you.
Reframe Uncertainty as Possibility
A shift in outlook—from seeing uncertainty as a threat to viewing it as an open field of new opportunities—can improve how you cope with change. A mindset of curiosity and openness fosters resilience, allowing you to adapt more easily to unexpected circumstances.
Finding Stability Amid Transition
It’s normal to feel unsettled when life changes direction—perhaps you still identify with the “goo stage,” where you feel like your old self is in pieces. But just like the monarch butterfly, the most significant transformation often happens through that messy, unrecognizable phase. Ultimately, the caterpillar emerges with wings, newly equipped to navigate a broader world.
Think of this time as an invitation to reorganize, heal, and reimagine your life. Though it may be difficult, vulnerable, and uncertain, what if this very dismantling is creating space for you to become something stronger and more expansive? Yes, you may feel raw and undone right now. Yet with self-compassion, nurturing routines, and the support of those who care, you can emerge with new wings—ready to explore life from a higher vantage point.
